Keagan's First...

Valentine's Day!

This week has been rough for me. There has not been one thing that has upset me, but rather sadness has just been frequently present. On the other hand, there is one thing that kept me going - knowing I would get to celebrate Valentine's Day for the first time with my sweet baby boy. We did not get gifts for Keagan, but instead gave gifts from him or that involved him. One reason is nothing we could purchase would be perfect enough nor show the depths of our love to our son. Also, we think he would be the kind of kid who would much rather give than receive because this is how Roy and I both are.

To my husband and son, I want to share this quote from Rosemonde Gerard: "For you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow." I love these two boys with everything I have and am so thankful that God put them both in my life. We all grow closer as each day passes, and with each day my love grows greater and greater. For Valentine's Day today, Roy and I still celebrated as a married couple, but Keagan was at the forefront of our thoughts and actions, per usual :)

These are our memories from this holiday:

Gift from Gramma and Papaw

 

Gramma came over last night to drop off a gift to Roy and I and a card and gift for Keagan. (Papaw was out of town but sent his love and definitely wanted to be there!) Keagan's card, of course, was perfect and the heart shaped cookie came from my favorite bakery, "The Ribbon Box." I told Roy I was going to eat my cookie before bed, and Gramma made sure to correct me - it wasn't my cookie, it was Keagan's! :) He was already pretty active before I ate his cookie, but the sugar rush sent him into high speed. We are so grateful that Keagan's Gramma and Papaw love him so much (you'll see more about this below!) Keagan loves you Gramma and Papaw!!!!

 

Keagan's Valentines...He's a stud - there's three of them! :)

Grade school Valentine's parties are the best thing (not necessarily from a teacher's point of view, but I loved them as a student!) We wanted Keagan to be able to give out Valentine's to some special girls, and who better than some of our volleyball players! We love the girls that we coach, and are so thankful to these three for being Keagan's first valentines! Roy bought little Airheads with cards to give out from Baby K. He also established criteria for the girls - they had to be good at volleyball, and not be "airheads." These three met the criteria, and were with us last night anways. Thank you so much to Mickie, Katie and Zoey. As silly as this was, it means a lot to us! It also meant the world when Zoey and Katie stopped by our house today to drop off Valentines they handmade for Keagan. They were absolutely adorable cards and the words inside touched our hearts deeply. I know that if Keagan were to have a longer life on Earth, he would be growing up around volleyball and constantly surrounded by our girls. So having these three be involved in Keagan's first Valentine's Day was perfect. All three of us love all three of you! Thanks again!

Gifts from me to Roy

 



Keagan was the inspiration for both of these gifts. Roy purchased a red rose dipped in gold for his mom for Valentine's Day a couple of years ago, so this blue one was perfect for me to get him for this year. This rose and its beauty will live on forever, just as Keagan and his life will. It will be a wonderful reminder of his life for years to come. The ring was a difficult decision for me. I wanted something that perfectly captured our family. To be honest, I wasn't sure if Roy would even wear a ring on his right hand but I saw this ring and just went for it. My dad actually has a very similar ring, and that just confirmed my thoughts. On the right side there are three diamonds to represent the three of us. The sapphire is a lindy star. Not only does the blue represent our baby boy, but when light hits it it reflects out into different directions. I thought this was symbolic of how Keagan's life has went out and touched others, and how his light will continue to shine and show in others even after his earthly life is over.

Roy's gifts to me

 



I opened my card from Roy to find five "Family Vacation" tickets. They were labeled Baby Keagan, Mommy, Daddy, Papaw and Gramma. We know that Keagan would go on family vacations with us if he was not anencephalic, and he is going to go on one with us even with his condition thanks to my awesome husband. Roy asked Gramma and Papaw if they would go on an out-of-state road trip with us so Keagan could have his first family vacation! They said yes, and I'm guessing they did so with no hesitation. Another wonderful demonstration of love from Keagan's amazing grandparents. I am hoping you will click on the picture above to enlarge it so you can see all of the precious little details. The tickets are adorable and the vacation is going to be perfect. I can't wait to go on it and share our trip with all of you! Roy also gave me two beautiful Willow Tree figurines and a baby photo album as the one we have already is almost full from the pictures from all of our adventures. Thank you to my perfect husband and Keagan's perfect daddy!

Cards, of course!

 

 

This may seem silly, but we got each other cards from Keagan. Silly or not, we are glad that we will be able to cherish these simple cards forever. We wrote each other a little note inside of what we thought Keagan might write or think. Simple things like birthday or holiday cards with precious handwritten notes from our baby are not something I had thought about missing out on, but after giving and receiving these cards it registered with me. And while we feel that even though Keagan will not be able to tell us he loves us, he will always be with us and will find a way to show us his presence. And we will do everything we can to show others our love for him for as long as we live, on Valentine's Day and every day!

 

Happy Valentine's Day to you all! Please take this opportunity to tell and show those around you how much you love them on this special day, and really every chance you have. 



Heartbeat Check #4

Roy and my dad came to the heartbeat check today. I asked Dad to come because we initially did not think Roy would be able to go, but he said he wanted to be there for his son. It was nice to have them both there and have their wonderful humor fill the air while we waited for the doctor. Keagan's heart rate today was 140! As always we loved getting to hear his heartbeat and have the confirmation that he is still doing well. The doctor did not find his heartbeat quite as quickly as he has in the past, but I think that was because Keagan was moving. He is becoming very active, and I love it! I have read that babies with anencephaly are typically more active and have stronger "love taps" than other babies. I am very happy with this because I have not had to worry much about whether or not baby K is doing okay, as I only have to wait about an hour or so for him to give me a sign he is doing fine in there!

Keagan's heart is very strong and we are so thankful for that. I have read posts from other anencephaly moms who have said similar things about their babies and then go on to say they hope their babies' strong hearts will help another baby. Obviously, these moms/parents have chosen to have their baby be an organ donor. Roy and I have been faced with some difficult decisions that we would not wish on anyone. We have done our best to think through the pro's and con's of each side of our decisions. This process is not easy - it is emotionally and mentally draining at times. (Having our positive doctor's appointments and celebrating Keagan's life and his "firsts" helps us get through all of the harder times.)

Organ donation is one of these decisions, but it is not something we have talked about in great depth. I do not know much about this option, but I have read that it is not always an easy process and not always a possibility with a baby like Keagan due to terminology. I am thankful for and admire the families who choose this and understand the reasoning. It can help with the grieving process, it may help families find the "purpose" in their children's lives, and it can save the lives of babies who do have a greater chance of survival. I have a hard time even looking up information and trying to research the medical pro's and con's as it makes everything so real. My baby is alive and well, I don't want to think about donating the organs that are allowing us to enjoy life with him everyday. This may seem selfish of me, but we don't think baby Keagan being an organ donor is the best choice for our family. In my opinion, it is definitely something that needs to be considered but ultimately is a family choice. Keagan has touched so many and hopefully has had a role in saving souls, and that we think those are some of the purposes of his life.

When we are exposed to additional things we have to think about, it hurts. We try to live each day and enjoy each moment with our sweet baby. Having to think about things that will be important after our baby's passing makes us think about the bigger picture and realize once again the reality of the situation. We need to do this, but it is not something we like to do often. The even bigger picture, and the most important is that Keagan will ultimately be healed and made whole in Heaven. That is bittersweet, but it does bring us joy in the shadows of the decisions we have to make.

Keagan's First...

Time Gambling, Trip to a Flea Market and Note from Daddy

For some odd reason, I felt like Keagan should go gambling one time in his life. I know this is not a child activity, but it is not just his childhood that we will be missing. If Keagan were to have a longer life on Earth, I think he would go to a casino at least once.

Roy wanted to get out of the house Friday night so we stayed at a hotel, slept in and enjoyed another free breakfast! :) We went to the Hollywood Casino in Columbus. With our first two turns each on slots, we were up 35 dollars. I texted Gramma and Papaw and asked jokingly if we should stop - Gramma said yep, and Papaw said nope :) We were not concerned with winning money or breaking even, but just with making another memory with our little guy. Good thing we were not worried about that, because even though Roy won "big" (for penny slots) several times, we lost money in the end. Keagan must have been giving all of his good luck to Roy, because I did the majority of the losing money. We had a good time and were happy to check this off of Keagan's bucket list of fun. (A little fun fact - I got carded and had to wear a wrist band for being under 25. Roy on the other hand did not get carded and was very disappointed that he didn't even look like he was under 25. Poor old guy!)

As we were headed home, we passed a flea market. Grandma Mary used to love going to garage sales and flea markets. (We think there is a huge garage sale in Heaven that she goes to all of the time.)Since Roy and I loved spending time with her and sharing common interests, we would always go every chance we had. We very rarely buy anything, but we just like to look. We thought we would take Keagan to his first flea market because he would definitely be taken more than a few times in his life. This probably was not the best choice out of all of the flea markets, seeing as how it was on the west side of Columbus, but that just made it that much more memorable. Several of the items outdoors appeared to have been "acquired from previous owners", we were obviously the minority, and there was a police officer outside just making sure things didn't get out of hand. Oh, the places we take our son... :)  Yes, in the second picture I am crossing my fingers, just hoping we make it out alive!

 

A huge thank you to Roy's best friend, Dustin for always coming to watch the house and take care of our dog Coco so we can have our weekend adventures. We appreciate and love you so much Dustin!

Roy does not know I am posting this, and he is asleep right now so I will justify it that way. I just wanted to share a short note that he wrote to our baby back in October, just two weeks after we found out we were pregnant. This note shows Roy's sense of humor, some of the silly little idiosyncrasies of our relationship, but most importantly shows a glimpse at the immense amount of love he has had for our baby since he knew there was a "little peanut" in there. Keagan has the most amazing daddy. Roy does so much to take care of me and to make sure both Keagan and I are doing okay. He is so concerned with our well-being and tells us he loves us all of the time. He kisses my stomach, whether we are in the privacy of our home or out in public, and says bye to Keagan everytime he leaves. Recently he has started putting his hand on my stomach while we sleep and loves getting to feel Keagan move. He told me the other night I was sound asleep, and Keagan was rolling and kicking and he would just start laughing and talking to him, having a daddy-son moment. Roy so looks forward to being able to hold Keagan once he is born, but is broken hearted that he will not be able to have a life-time with him to show him just how much he loves him. I always tell him that he is doing an awesome job loving his little guy and Keagan knows just how important he is to his daddy. As my husband, Roy is the perfect person for me - obviously one of the reasons we got married. He is there for me when I am weak and sad and scared, he listens or just lets me cry when I don't want to talk. He is supportive and the absolute best person to be with on this journey. Keagan and I are truly lucky to have him, just as Roy and I are lucky to have Keagan!
I've rambled enough - here is the note and a cute picture of Roy kissing his little guy, through my belly of course.

Hello Daddy’s Little Peanut!!!  I know that most people may think this is stupid but I am just to excited and I want to talk to you!!!  So I will send you a letter that I know your mommy will save forever and then you can read it when you are old enough to read…. If you are anything like your mom that will be when your are 10 months old!!!  I love you so much already and I know that your mom feels the same way!  We can not wait to meet you and hold you and hug n kiss you forever and ever!!  Just to give you some ground rules…

• Do not let the dog get on the couch.
• If you do just say “I didn’t see her there”  It works for me!
• If you are a girl… No boys til you get married! If you are a boy No boys PERIOD
• Mommy sleeps a lot so just grab the remote and turn it off lifetime and watch what you want.
• Honestly remember, no matter what you do you are always going to be our little peanut so just be honest with us and let us help you with whatever it is.

I promise to always love you and show you that I love you!  I promise to be that dad that does things with his children and it will be things you want to do.  I will always tell you about your Grandma Mary so you can know how great of a grandma she was even tho you were not born yet. 

                                                                                         Love Always and Forever,

               
                                                                                                                       Daddy

Heart to heart, we can face anything

Roy and I have done our best to really open our hearts to share Keagan's life story and our journey through this pregnancy. We try to share our joys, our fears, our love and our frustrations as honestly as we can. This is very therapeutic for us and it is so wonderful to hear how people's lives have been affected by Keagan and our story. Today marks 23 weeks in our pregnancy, and Keagan has been so influential in so many people's lives. We are so proud of our baby boy. By opening our hearts, we have connected with so many of your hearts and between the three of us, the hundreds of you and of course our God, we have confidence in our ability to make it through any situation we face. Thank you for connecting with us, heart to heart!

We have received more gifts of love this week. These gifts touch our hearts and warm them greatly! Thank you to all of you for your continued thoughts and prayers, and thank you to the individuals mentioned below for your additional outpowering of love.

This gift is from a long-time family friend, Chelsey. She crafts absolutely adorable pieces (www.etsy.com/shop/BaldBloomers) . If Keagan was a girl, he would definitely have some headbands from her!!! We'll have to wait for him to have a sister to get some of those though :) Roy ordered this necklace from Chelsey, but she would not let him pay for it. She is an amazing person and we are so thankful for this expression of love and support. I absolutely love the necklace! It is a little difficult to see in the picture, but the bird's nest holds one blue egg to represent our perfect little guy. I can not get over the beauty of this piece. Thank you Chelsey!

These beautiful flowers are from my college roommate, Lindsy. Lindsy is an awesome person and she loves Keagan just as if he were part of her family. Even though we don't get to talk much, she stays updated on how we're doing and sends sporadic messages to show her love to our family. This time she must not have thought a message was enough! I was very surprised to see a box of flowers on our front porch when I got home from work yesterday. I did not have a very good day so I thought the flowers might be from Roy, but I was even more suprised to see they were from Lindsy. She just wanted to send them (overnight, mind you) to let us know how happy she was that our fluid check went so well and once again to tell us she loves us. Such an unneccesary, unexpected but totally appreciated gift. Thank you little Linds!!! We love you too!

This picture frame is from Roy's boss, Emily. Roy's work has been amazing and so understanding with our weekly appointments and allowing me to call his cell phone at any time, but his boss went above and beyond. Roy may not like that I am putting this, but when Emily gave him this gift it brought tears to his eyes. We are both so appreciative that she would think of us at this personal level when she could easily keep their relationship completely work-related. The frame is able to have a sound recorded and at the bottom says "An unforgettable sound...an unforgettable love" How beautiful! Our plan is to record Keagan's heartbeat for now, and then if we have a chance record him crying after he is born. I say "if we have a chance" because Keagan may, but we have FAITH that he will not, be stillborn, but some babies with anencephaly are not able to cry. We know it may sound crazy that we want to have his cry recorded so we can hear it at any hour (usually quiet is desired by new parents), but this will be a precious and unforgettable sound to us and we want to have it forever. Thank you Emily for giving us this priceless opportunity to save the sounds of Keagan's life!

These books are all from Roy's former co-worker and our friend, Amy. She sent a cute note with them that read Keagan would be getting these from me anyways so now he just gets them a little early. Daddy's got some reading to do now! (I, being a children's book fanatic, have already read all three of them tonight!) In "A Kiss for Little Bear" a kiss for Little Bear from his grandmother is passed around from animal to animal. It reminds me of how Keagan's story is being "passed around" and shared with so many people and each person contributes to the journey. "Guess How Much I Love You" is an adorable story of trying to express the amount of love that is felt. As I'm sure you know, it is hard to tell someone how much you love them and get effectively get the extent across. If I had to choose words to tell Keagan how much Daddy and I love him, "to the moon and back" would not even come close. I absolutely love "The Giving Tree" so I am very thankful that she sent this to us. It is a story of giving until you have given everything you have. We would give anything to keep Keagan happy and to have him be healthy. An entirely healthy baby may or may not be in God's will, but we will give all of our love regardless. Thank you Amy for these books and for these reminders to us!

Our cousin, Trish (http://www.luckylolastudios.com/) was very generous and gave us a maternity session last night. We had so much fun, and it was enjoyable to feel Keagan kick when the flash would go off. We LOVE how the pictures turned out and are more grateful than words can express to Trish for helping us capture this very special time in our lives. Here are a few of our favorites:

Once again, a huge thank you to Trish and Lucky Lola Studios!!!

On the website anencephalie-info.org, it talks about what babies with anencephaly may or may not be able to do. I love this line: "But most of all, they respond to our love: you don’t need a complete brain to give and receive love- all you need is a heart!" It is amazing what the human can heart do, and we are amazed by your hearts and the love you show our family. Thank you!

Fluid Check #1 (Thank God for Ears!)

Today we had our first fluid check, and it went extremely well! Everything we learned and saw today was good news, and although in "typical" pregnancies the information would be considered trivial, to us each thing was a blessing and even a miracle. A little build-up before getting to the news though.

Both Gramma and Papaw got to accompany Keagan, Roy and I to the appointment this morning. We were very thankful that they both could be there and see "Special K" in action. Roy decided to go to McDonald's for breakfast, so before leaving town we stopped there and I got a caramel mocha. (Probably not the most healthy choice, I know...but definitely delicious!) Roy's second mom, Miss Sharon, was working and gave us free breakfast and had much joy making my drink with the hope that it would wake Keagan up before our appointment. Good start to the morning...and we hoped the trend would continue!

The ultrasound technician, Beth, was the same person we had the first time we went down to confirm Keagan's diagnosis. We really enjoy her, she feeds into Roy's sense of humor, and she calls Keagan "peanut" so she's perfect! I asked if she would be the one to scan us everytime and she said that she would, if we didn't mind, which obviously we would love! So that in itself was good news as well.

The point of today's appointment was to check the amniotic fluid level. As I believe I mentioned in a previous post, babies with anencephaly may have trouble or may not have the ability to swallow so it is common in pregnancies like ours for the fluid to build up. This would just cause discomfort for me, and could be drained through a procedure very similar to amniocentisis. There is a range in which the amniotic fluid is considered "normal" and this varies slightly as the pregnancy continues. Currently, it would be best for the fluid to measure between 5 and 25 cm. Beth said that my fluid level was perfect, at 15 cm. We were very glad to hear this! I am not sure if this means Keagan is swallowing fine or if it just has not built up yet, but we are going to hope for the first!

She proceeded to check Keagan's heartrate, as we had this appointment in place of our heart beat check. She offered for us to listen to it, which I gladly accepted as this is the most precious sound in the world to us right now. His heartrate was 138. Beth thought he was probably sleeping then. Within about two minutes though, that caramel mocha must have set in because he would not stop wiggling around! Even though this makes the ultrasound technician's job a little more difficult, it made us grin and chuckle seeing him squirm around. Even Beth enjoyed seeing him move as much as he did. She assumed his heartrate wouldn't be 138 anymore!

She also measured his stomach, spine, and arm and leg bones. All of these measured at least a week ahead of how far along I am! We went from him being a little small at week 18 to measuring big at week 22! Several babies with anencephaly are born a little small, so to see that he was growing big and strong and ahead of schedule was a huge blessing! I was a ten pound baby and Roy was eight pounds, so that in combination with the diagnosis may possibly even Keagan's size out! Roy took the week ahead to mean he could be delivered a week early, which would be the same week as his birthday so that was exciting for him. For me on the other hand, I want to keep him in there as long as possible so I know he is safe and growing and moving. It is amazing to reflect on my thoughts over the course of just four weeks. At first, I didn't want to feel him constantly moving and see my belly grow with him inside, and now I want to keep this feeling forever!!!

The most exciting thing for us today, and what we consider to be a little miracle was to see Keagan's ears...yes, his ears! From our first appointment on the third, they had said if you put your index finger right above your eyebrow and your thumb above your ear then continue that angled line around your head, that that would be the amount of Keagan's skull that was missing. And actually, at our last ultrasound just about two weeks ago, I personally couldn't see any white outline on the back of his head. To me, that meant there wasn't any skull on the back of his head until about right above his neck. When I asked the technician that day how much of the skull was missing on the back of his head his response was "Enough." Not very helpful or really sensitive, for that matter, but oh well. Today, we saw an outline of the back of his skull!!! I confirmed with the technician and she said that it looks like it goes up to about the same height of his ears or a little higher. Excellent news to us! Keagan would not show up his perfect little face, but from the back of his head, we were able to see both of his ears, fully formed! This probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but some babies with anencephaly are missing the top part of their ears as well, but this just shows that there is more there with Keagan! The technician even implied that the front of his skull (above his eyes) goes up a little further than we previously thought as well!

Punctuation of the night: ! We are very excited about all of these blessings. They said that his skull would not continue to form, and we are not saying it did or did not. Perhaps the views before didn't quite show this information, or perhaps God is at work. Either way, we are very happy with this new information and thank God for Keagan's heartrate, the level of amniotic fluid, his size, and the amount of skull that he has!

Pictures (top to bottom): Muscle man Keagan showing off his guns, cute little baby butt, index finger on his chin thinking about whether he should flip over and show us his whole face, two fully formed ears! with a hand on the side, profile view of a perfect little foot, side view showing the back of his skull, and oh yeah...he's still a boy! (He was shy in showing us his face, but obviously not with other parts of his body.)

Our excellent appointment was followed with my AMAZING husband bringing me Subway to school and surprising me a beautiful footprint necklace. This will be worn everyday!

Tonight, Gramma and Papaw came over for dinner and Keagan showed his appreciation for them coming to his big show today by letting them feel some kicks and movement. This was the first time Papaw felt him and the second time for Gramma so a very exciting experience.

It has been a great day and again we just thank God for all He is doing in our situation.

Keagan's First...

Super Bowl party!

While we did not take Keagan out of town or anywhere new this weekend, we did something little, but still memorable and special. Roy and I are big time family people. We love getting together and just hanging out with the ones we love most, so when we were invited over to Gramma and Papaw's for a Super Bowl party today we gladly accepted.

As I have mentioned before, Keagan is such a lucky boy. His entire family loves him so much, and just the same as if he did not have anencephaly. Even though I was a little sad at times, we had a great time and were glad that everyone, including Keagan, got to spend this quality time together.

I always try to go over early to help mom prepare meals. It worked out today, because we went to church and then I just stayed at their house. Keagan didn't have much choice here...he got roped into being in the kitchen all afternoon with us :) Because I always help with the food, I have several times pictured bringing my baby over with me and having him in the kitchen with us while we cook. I could not wait for this, as trivial as it may seem. I enjoy cooking with my mom so much and I was looking forward to creating these memories with my child. While Keagan will not be able to physically be with us for these memories outside the womb, I know he will always be with us in spirit. 

 

We had mexican food and everyone was hoping that the spiciness would get Keagan moving. Well...it had no effect on him. Papaw and Aunt Jessica will have to wait to feel him moving. I wish they were here with me now, because he's giving me quite a few "love taps!"

 

Baby Keagan with his cousins, Carson and Drake. The three boys are about a year apart (Drake - 2, Carson - 8 months, Keagan - 22 weeks). I have found that being around newborns and infants since finding out about Keagan's diagnosis is difficult for me, but my love for my nephews and knowing Keagan is getting to spend time with them completely wipe out any sadness when I am around them. It is however hard realizing they won't get to grow up together and cause all kinds of boy havoc at family get togethers. Knowing my sister and her husband, they will make sure the boys know about Keagan when they are old enough to understand and they will continue to help make memories of the three of them while we can. (The last picture is really just a cute picture of Carson and Drake - notice the hair pull! Now, that's love!!!)

Before they had to leave, Carson obvioulsy had to check my pulse to make sure I was okay and have a heart-to-heart with me to show that he loves his Aunt Jenny and cousin Keagan. I love this little guy so much, and know Aunt Jessica loves Keagan just as much!

 

Oops. Keagan and I were able to enjoy the first quarter and woke up in time for the half time show. Just a little cat-nap never hurt anyone, right!?

Word of the night: Love. I realize how many times I used the word, but that is the common theme of our journey, Keagan's life and our family in general.

And the greatest of these is LOVE

The title of this post comes from a bible verse (1 Corinthians 13:13), and although is not necessarily meant to refer to gifts this thought comes to mind when I think of everything our family and friends have given us since finding out about the diagnosis of our sweet baby.

We have received some very special, tangible items that will be so important in helping us to celebrate and remember Keagan and we are very thankful for these gifts. I have taken pictures of these gifts and shared them below, by no means with the intention to influence others to send us anything, but instead to thank the individuals who sent them to us (I am also working on thank you cards, slowly…), share the beauty of the gifts and the thoughts, and to document for our family what special gifts Keagan has received.

This hat is from Keagan's cousin, Carson, and Aunt Jessica. Roy and I have purchased a very special and cute outfit for Keagan's burial, but could not find a matching hat. When I was talking to my amazing big sister about this, she thought of a hat of Carson's. She offered to give this to Keagan, as it would be something that he would always have from them. This of course touched my heart and the thought brings me to bittersweet tears to this day. What a perfect gift! (Gramma is working on taking the hat in a little as it will be too big for Keagan when he is born.)

This blanket is from Keagan's great aunt, Paulette. We went shopping for a blanket for Keagan to be wrapped in when he is born, but could not find anything that was perfect enough for our special baby. I sent my very skilled Aunt Paulette a message asking her if she would mind making one for him. She replied that she would be honored. She made this blanket in a very short amount of time, as we were not quite sure when we would deliver at that point. This blanket, as you can see, is absolutely beautiful and I know just how much love she put into making it. This may sound silly, but when I opened the package, it smelled of my Aunt Paulette and Uncle Doug which was comforting to me. I know this blanket will bring comfort to Keagan when he is born and also to us as we hold on to it after he is born and are able to smell his scent.

 These gifts are from Keagan's Gramma and Papaw. I have already posted about these gifts, but I just wanted a chance to share just how much my parents are doing for us and for Keagan. They always provide emotional support, but have also given us several items. From the OSU basketball tickets, to a Dave and Busters gift card, to several items with which we will make keepsakes, Gramma and Papaw have poured out their love to all three of us. This is no surprise. There have always been wonderful parents, and now are the perfect grandparents for Keagan!

This hat is from Keagan's Aunt Becky. As I mentioned in a previous post, Roy has frequently called baby Keagan "Peanut." One night she was sending me links to hats, knowing that we were looking for a few special ones for pictures when Keagan is born. I was replying how much I loved all of them. Unbeknowst to me, she ordered  the perfect one and had it delivered to our house. Even though she lives out-of-state, she does everything she can from that distance. She is always checking in with us, sending messages or quotes, and I know she thinks of all three of us frequently. Her love is felt hundreds of miles away. 

This frame is from one of my co-workers, Rainie. Keagan's hand and footprints are going to be so important to us and we have several things to try to capture them. Rainie did not know, but we were looking for a frame to display them. She brought this in one morning before school, just a few days after we had been shopping but failed to find one. It is absolutely perfect and I can not wait to show off the perfection of Keagan's prints in it.

This book is from one of my former volleyball teammates, Lisa. She saw our post about children's books and wanted to send us a book. This was a total surprise to us. To be honest, the billing address was addressed to her husband Joe and I could not make the connection of who it was from. :) Lisa had asked my mom for our address so mom was able to let me know, and I received a card from Lisa a day later telling me about the book. I just wasn't patient enough! This book has a beautiful message, but one part sticks out to me. It reads: "Umm, Mama? I was wondering...Did you ever want a different baby? One like Samuel the seal or Fredrika the fox?" "Never," Mama said. "Never, ever, ever. Your papa and I wouldn't trade you for the world." "Why?" Little Cub asked. "Why? Because God gave us you." God gave us Keagan and just as the Mama Bear says in the book, we wouldn't trade him for the world.

This blanket is from another one of my co-workers, Jan. One day, she told me that she was making a blanket for Keagan. Earlier this week, she brought in a gift bag. I told her I was only going to look at the blanket because I thought the card would make me cry, and boy was I right! The blanket in itself is beautiful, but the meaning behind it is amazing. In the card, Jan talked about how she has been working on these pieces for several years but did not know why. She had been making a plain white blanket for us, but did not feel it was special enough. These pieces came back to mind and she sewed them together. She notes the way Keagan's life has interwoven lives (same as the stitching to hold the pieces together), brought color to our lives and the world (same as the nine different pieces), and he's unique but that is what makes him perfect (same at the mistakes/imperfections in the blanket.) Keagan will also spend time in this blanket once he is born and it will also be a life-long keepsake that shows so much meaning and connection to Keagan's life.

I collect Willow Tree angels, and the four above actually came from three different people. The first figurine is from Keagan's Gramma Halterman, the second and third figurines are from Keagan's Daddy, and the fourth figurine is from Keagan's Grandma Burton. As you may have read in my "About Me" Roy's mom passed away in August. Prior to her passing, she bought so many things for her future grandbabies and was so excited to meet them. Although she is not physically present, we know that she is constantly with us and constantly watching over us. She loves Keagan and knows exactly what is going on. The last figurine she purchased for me, I believe in her hometown Marietta. There is so much beauty in all of these figurines, but the last one is especially important to us. Not only is it from Keagan's very special Grandma who he will get to be with in heaven, but it also represents our perfect family of three. The fact that the parents are holding a baby will be the same as the only time we get to hold Keagan, when he is a precious newborn baby. I am sure this time will always be in our hearts and this figurine will be a reminder of that time.

 

We have also received several cards. Thanks to my mom, I am totally a card person. It is a family joke that she will go to ten different stores and spend an hour in each one to find the perfect card. The effort, time and thought makes the cards even more special and appreciated. Since I was college, I have saved every card I have received. Roy will tell you I am on the verge of being a hoarder in this sense, but I can’t bring myself to throw away something people have put so much thought into and that I find comfort, joy and/or love in. I will say the cards our family and friends have sent us and the words they have written have been perfect. Thank you to those of you who have sent us cards!

 

In this technology based world, we have also received several emails, text messages and Facebook comments that have touched our hearts deeply. Some of you even call our families to check how things are going with us without us knowing. We have reconnected with people we haven’t talked to in a while, met new people, and grown closer to family and friends through our situation. We appreciate every one of you who have sent us some type of note and let us know you are thinking of us and praying for us. We are doing our best to reply to each one of these, but even if we don’t please know that we have seen all of your messages and are so thankful that you would take the time to send them to us.

Back to the title…and the greatest of these is love - the basis of all of the above gifts, whether tangible or word gifts (thank you college roomies for introducing me to this phrase!), is that they were sent out of love. We have been overwhelmed with support, and even though we have received so many things we could probably tell you each gift or about each conversation we have had because they all mean so much to us. With that being said though, the overwhelming message is the love you all are showing for Keagan and our family, and to us, that is greatest thing you could ever do. Even coming to our blog and reading our posts are special to us, so thank you for doing that! We are amazed at the number of views our blog has received and are so happy to share Keagan’s life with so many people. It is also very comforting to know so many people are thinking of us and praying for us. As I have told several of you, knowing of how many people are sending up prayers brings so much added peace. Although Keagan may never live long enough to understand how each of one of you were involved in his life in some way and how each of you showed so much love to him before he was even born, I believe he can feel the joy and love that I feel as a result of your demonstrations of love.

These words in no way express how truly thankful we are for everything each of you are doing for us and with us, but we would just like to say thank you for being involved in Keagan’s life and showing him and us such a great magnitude of love, the greatest gift in life.