Baby Shower

Yesterday, Roy's work threw us the most perfect baby shower. Roy's co-workers, manager and director have been so understanding and thoughtful throughout our whole journey. As Roy said at the shower, it is amazing that he can consider work a safe haven - he can talk about Keagan and everything that is going on when he needs to, or he can just do work things when necessary to get his mind off of everything. It is so nice to know that is true for my husband - it brings me so much joy and peace knowing that work is an outlet for him rather than an added stress. God's hand was definitely in the timing of him getting this new job, and it has truly been a blessing. So thank you to all of Roy's co-workers for what you do to support him and our entire family day in and day out, and an added thank you for our beautiful shower yesterday!

Last week, Roy's manager Emily asked Roy for a date that they could do a little something for us. We decided on Wednesday at 3:00. I thought this would give me plenty of time to get from school to their work; well apparently, I was wrong. Traffic was terrible and I ended up being twenty minutes late; anyone who knows me knows I don't like to be late to places! Roy's co-workers were very understanding though, which I really appreciated. When I finally arrived, we were taken into a conference room. There was an adorable blue cake with a little lamb on it, a tree (which I thought was just something they had in the room until I actually stopped to look at it!), another gift, and most importantly several individuals who provide my husband with support every day, who pray and think of our family frequently, and whose faces were full of compassion and love. Every element of the shower was so thought out and definitely appreciated!

Some of the awesome people who came to our shower. Several people were in the hallway too and a few of the ladies on Roy's team were squatting down so they could peek in the window! :) Gramma was able to come over for the shower as well - these pictures are courtesy of her. Thanks Gramma!

The cake was so cute, and of course delicious! I thought one of Roy's team members made the cake, which a few of them didn't hesitate to take credit for, but it was actually made by the amazing Ribbon Box. (Keagan loves the icing from the Ribbon Box; it always gets him moving!) We also had a "professional" cake-cutter on our hands, who made special efforts to avoid cutting into the lamb. He works with some awesome, funny and apparently multi-talented individuals! :)

We received a very generous gift card and a beautiful figurine. I absolutely love the beauty of this piece and the picture that it paints. The precious baby boy is sleeping in angel wings. It will be a perfect reminder that if Keagan's life on Earth is short, his life in Heaven will be so peaceful, he will be surrounded by angels, and he will be spending time with the only One who can love him more than Roy and I do. 

We also received this Weeping Cherry tree. We were told multiple times how beautiful it will be when it blossoms; I can only imagine what it is going to look like and I can't wait! All of the doves on the tree, made by one of Roy's co-worker's mom, each had a note on them from different people Roy works with. His manager Emily told us that Keagan's story has touched so many people, so each person wrote a little note letting us know how he has touched them or wrote a quote or bible verse for encouragement. These were so special! They have been read many times over already and have been put in Keagan's memory box along with other notes like them. I love reading these type of things, because they are a great demonstration of how special Keagan is and how much he is making a difference in this world. It also makes me believe that people outside of our family will continue to remember him even after his earthly life ends. 

 And in case anyone was wondering, the tree is already planted! We put it right in front of our house so the beauty could be shared with all of those who pass our house and so that we could see it every time we look outside. I say "we put it..." because I provided some awesome supervision and direction! So much so that Roy eventually sent me to get dinner while he finished :) Really though, Roy worked from the minute he got home to rearrange the flower bed and put the tree in the perfect spot. I am very grateful for his hard work!

Thank you again to the Scott's company, specifically the OTC department. We appreciate your actions, words and prayers so much! I also want to directly thank Emily and Kim for putting this shower together and for allowing everyone to get together for it. I know its not easy in your department. This was the perfect day for us and more than we could have ever asked for or imagined.

Fluid Check #5

Today was another bittersweet day - we had our last ultrasound this morning. This of course means we'll get to hold our baby boy in our arms soon, but it was also the last time that we were guaranteed that we would see him alive and active. This is an extremely hard thought to process and made for an emotional day. We are so thankful for all of our ultrasounds and the more-than-usual amount of times that we have gotten to see baby Keagan, but all of that doesn't replace our desire to hold our son in our arms while he is alive, even if just for a minute. We ask that you continue to pray for Keagan's healing, but if he is not healed, that you pray for the length of his life.
Here are some of the medical details from today's fluid check. Keagan is measuring big still; he is actually in something like the 80th percentile. I am 36 weeks 6 days, but his stomach is measuring 37 weeks 4 days I believe, and his legs are measuring 38 weeks 3 days! Beth, our wonderful ultrasound tech, also let us know that he is estimated to be weighing 7 pounds 4 ounces! Dr. Niemi said this number can be a pound off in either direction so we should be expecting a 7-8.5 pound baby if we go to full-term. I love it! :) What I don't love is that Roy and I bet what he would weigh after seeing his measurments. I had 6lbs.8oz. up to 7lbs.1oz. and Roy had 7lbs.2oz. and above. Well as you can see, Roy was right and now I have to go see Star Trek this weekend - anyone want to give me an excuse not to go!? :) Okay back to the appointment - my fluid is measuring 23 cm this week, which is a little high but not too concerning since we are so close to the end of our pregnancy. Everything else is looking good! Keagan's heartrate was 125 this morning and then 130 at our appointment this afternoon. (It was 132 at our heartbeat check last week; I never had a chance to post about that appointment.)
We met another doctor in the high risk group today, so now we have met all of them. My understanding is they aren't really involved in our delivery, but at least we've met them all just in case. Our doctor today though was great and helped make our last appointment enjoyable. And of course, Beth was there again. She has been so great throughout our pregnancy and we are very appreciative of the fact that we got to have her as our technician every time and that she was so kind, understanding and easy-going. It was a little funny today because Papaw had to go to the doctor for himself this morning so he wasn't able to come to the ultrasound. When Beth came out to get Roy, Gramma and I, one of the first things she said was "You're missing one of your crew members!" We went back to the room only to see that she had the three chairs set-up next to my chair, knowing that usually all four of us are there. These little things meant so much. Beth has definitely been a blessing in our journey, so Beth if you make it to this site, thank you again!
Okay....cute stuff now :) Keagan had his hands up by his face the whole time and was right up against me like usual. We got to see him stretching, taking a drink (we think), sucking his thumb (again, we think...but that's the first time we've seen that so we're definitely going with it!), and of course just being as adorable as ever. Here are the last pictures of Keagan while in the womb. Also, Beth worked extra hard to pull the videos off from last month, so we now have those too!! Very grateful for that!

 

Beth pointed out that he really looks like a newborn baby here! We totally agree - he looks so perfect and peaceful. His eyes also look much better than they did, even compared to a month ago. They don't really look like they are "bulging" anymore. We obviously love him the same regardless, but thought this was another small blessing in today's appointment.

 

Not cooperating very much - rotten little boy! :)

Roy really wanted a picture of Keagan's little butt. Strange request, but oh well!

Sorry baby boy, it's too cute not to share with the world.

 

I'm not sure if these videos are going to work on here, but I thought I would try so you all could see him moving around in there as well. This movement is all him!

In this video, I love that you can see Keagan opening his mouth and, as Gramma pointed out, it looks like he is swallowing.

 

 

My First Mother's Day

Today was a bittersweet day - I loved getting to celebrate my first Mother's Day, but it also brought pain to know this could be the only Mother's Day I get to spend with Keagan here on Earth. Just as we do with each day though, I did everything I could to make it an enjoyable and memorable day. Roy was coaching all weekend, so I spent all weekend with my mom and dad. While Keagan and I definitely missed Daddy, it was nice to have this time with my parents.

Because Roy was going to be gone all weekend, he had Keagan give me a gift on Friday. I cannot adequately describe the card without quoting it directly, so I have put a picture of it below. Keagan's (with daddy's help) words were so touching and meant the world to me. I also received this amazing "Mommy & Me" picture frame. I cannot wait to find the perfect picture to put in it. I feel like I'm going to have a hard time deciding where to put the frame in our house because I'm going to want it everywhere, so I may end up moving it around to different rooms with me :) I definitely want to thank Roy for this perfect gift and for starting off my weekend in such a great way. He told me I also need to thank my family though. My mom had seen this frame a little while back and when Roy said he would like to get it for me, she went back to get it only to find that it was no longer at the store. This began the "ultimate state of Ohio picture frame search" according to Roy. Gramma, Papaw, Uncle Brian and Allie looked in every Hallmark possible. Papaw told me he pulled up Hallmark on his GPS, and just started calling every one that came up to ask if they had the frame. Supposedly there were "Mom & Me" frames but that wasn't good enough :) Papaw was the one who ended up locating the perfect frame about an hour and half from home, but after many more hours of driving around. So thank you to my family for your efforts; they defintely didn't go unnoticed!

Today, mom and dad gave me two cards, of course, and a gift certificate for a pedicure. I have never had a pedicure before and don't really like people touching my feet, but I think it is going to be really relaxing (once I get over the initial "shock"). Mom thinks its going to be funny to watch, so one of these days I'm sure you'll see pictures on here! The cards were perfect, but as I've said before, we don't expect any less from mom. :) What touched me more though was the handwritten note. It amazes me how my parents can support us so much through this and be so understanding and loving all while experiencing pain in the situation themselves. Thank you so much to both of you for helping to make this a great first Mother's Day for me, but also for what you do day-in and day-out. 

Keagan, Gramma, Papaw and I went to church this morning where all of the mom's were showered with love, but I received an extra special gift. I can't recall if I have talked about this here, but after a few of the women in the church learned about our situation, they started a prayer group. We meet each Sunday before church and pray for several needs, never failing to pray for our family and of course for Keagan's healing. To my surprise this morning, one of the amazing women, Raven, shared a beautiful message that meant so much to me and she finished by letting me know that all of the women had made something for me. I then received this beautiful flower pot that was filled with flowers that attract butterflies and decorated with a quote and the precious feet of Raven's baby boy. The women put a lot of thought of what quote or line to put on the flower pot, and then decided on this one that my mom had found: "A child is a butterfly in the wind." When we got home, mom shared the poem with me that this line came from. How perfect and true these words are. "A child is a butterfly in the wind, some can fly higher than others; but each one flies the best it can. Why compare one against the other. Each one is different! Each one is special! Each one is beautiful!" Thank you so much to the women in our prayer group for this gift, and an even bigger thank you to each of you and the rest of the church for the unfailing support that you have provided us while we are on this journey. You so openly accepted us and loved on us without question when we needed (need, really...not necessarily past tense) it most.

 

 

I also received this gift from our church along with all of the other mothers - a notepad and flower pen. I love that the notepad has a butterfly on it. How fitting!  

 

And this cute mini-rose plant was given to me by Roy's dad and his church. So many plants that are absolutely beautiful that I am going to do my best to keep alive (not my strong suit)!!!

I really wanted to create a special memory with Keagan today to help me remember my first Mother's Day with our baby boy, so mom and I went to have a Mother's Day Photo Shoot! One day at school I was talking about taking pictures in a dandelion field because of Keagan's nursery and the significance we have found in them. This week Rainie told me the field behind her house had tons of dandelion seeds and that we were welcome to out and take pictures there. I was considering asking one of our friends or family members who are photographers to take these pictures for me, but Rainie thought we should try to get out there sooner rather than later so the farmer didn't mow the field and I did not want to bother any of them on Mother's Day. So, mom was my professional photographer for the day, and we ended up with some awesome pictures. Talk about a multi-talented mom :) Thank you Rainie for thinking of us and for letting us come out to your property! Thank you mom for putting me ahead of yourself again and doing this special something for me when it was your day too!

 

As I said above, this was obviously a day for my mom as well. I can say that my mom is the most amazing woman in my life. She is so loving, generous, thoughtful and caring. I am a lucky girl to have her as my mom and to have her as a role model, showing me what it means to love your child unconditionally. Because of the love she has shown me throughout life, I know how to love Keagan with my whole heart. My mom and I have always loved spending time together, and I am so glad that we have been able to build special memories together with Keagan. I don't know that Keagan realizes how lucky he is to have his Gramma, or his Nana in heaven for that matter, but I know they both love him more than he would ever be able to understand and because of that he is the luckiest boy on Earth. I have the best Mom, and he has the best Gramma, and we love both love you so much Mom!

Keagan gave his Gramma a few plants for Mother's Day. They are called "Blue Fortune" Agastache. We gave Gramma this "card" below explaining why we picked these plants.

 

Happy Mother's Day to my mom, my sister, all the other mommies out there and to me from my precious baby boy! Thank you to everyone who helped make my first Mother's Day so special. I pray that whatever a year from now brings that I can look back to today and be reminded of the joy I had in spending the day with my happy, active little boy. I know that no matter what, Keagan will be with me next year and celebrating one way or another. I love being a mommy, especially to this special little boy. I will forever enjoy the fact that I have the honor of being a mother; of protecting, carrying and caring for our son, Keagan David, even if only for nine months but loving him forever.

 

Keagan's First...

Picnic and Trip to the Zoo!

Keagan and I definitely took advantage of the beautiful weather this weekend, spending a lot of quality time with Gramma, Aunt Jess and Carson. It was an absolutely perfect weekend, that completely exhausted me! (I realized after this weekend that I need to slow down a little bit - I still feel great but by the time 8:00 hits I am completely exhausted or feeling sick from doing too much hence why I have missed a few posts recently.)

On Saturday, we all went to Keagan's 4D ultrasound in the morning and then went us girls and the babies went "shoppin' shoppin' shoppin" (that's for you, Gramma and Papaw!) while the men worked on the pool deck at Gramma and Papaw's. We went to a few garage sales, a craft show, and Keagan got to meet his new cousin, Connor - what a cutie! After we got back from the wonderful craft show, we went back to Gramma and Papaw's to have a picnic. While we were there, Keagan and I helped a little with the pool deck because I can't just sit back and watch something being built without stepping in to help. So now we can say Keagan has built a pool deck - how many babies can say that!? Again, the weather was beautiful and we loved getting to spend this time together with Gramma, Aunt Jess and Carson. I think Carson enjoyed it to, except for the fact that he did everything he could to stay on the blanket and out of the grass. If he would accidentally put his hand or foot into the grass he would make a look that I can only describe as disgust and pull the body part back in as quickly as he could. It was pretty adorable! And even though he did not like the grass, Gramma was able to get him to pick some dandelions - one of which he gave to his mommy and one he (with the help of Aunt Jess of course) gave to Keagan to give to me. This little gesture meant so much to me!

 

On Sunday, thanks to Aunt Jess we were able to take the boys to the zoo and had a great time showing them the animals. We saw tons of monkeys, the manatees (Gramma's favorite) and a few baby animals. Aside from seeing the animals, Keagan and Carson also shared a first of riding the carousel. Carson looked pretty terrified to go on it, but he ended up enjoying it even though he had to sit in a chariot instead of on a horse. Because Jess and Carson were in a chariot and I wanted Keagan and I to be right next to them, I didn't have a choice in the horse we were on. Well of course, the horse beside the chariot was as high as it could go making it quite the task to get on it. I accomplished it, with absolutely no grace mind you, and looked at mom who wanted me to get off and do it again so she could take a picture! It wasn't that important to have a picture :)

 

Thanks for the awesome weekend Gramma, Aunt Jess and Carson! We love you!

 

I thought this picture of Carson and Gramma looking at the sting ray was absolutely adorable. Carson was very interested in the sting ray and as Gramma pointed it out to him, he realized he needed to look under his stroller tray to best see it. Jess tried to move the tray, but he was perfectly content looking at it by peeking down his own way!

 

While us girls and the babies were at the zoo, Daddy was coaching his last (for his team) volleyball tournament in Columbus. We stopped to watch him for a little bit, and I thought his team was playing really well but when he told me they were playing for gold I was pleasantly surprised and excited for them. Because of how they did, Keagan also got his first medal this weekend - a gold in the OVR Volleyball tournament! Daddy was very proud to be able to give this to our son!

 

 

When we look at you we are filled with love and joy as time stands still!

Thanks to Papaw and Gramma, we were able to go for another 4D ultrasound yesterday. When I called to schedule this appointment and told them I was going to be 35 weeks at this point, the receptionist sounded a little concerned and said "Oh, we need to get you in here quick." I explained our situation, which she recalled after I started talking, and expressed to her that we knew there was a chance we wouldn't get very good pictures but we wanted to come in and see our baby one more time. We were so excited to see not only see Keagan, but to see the differences from his previous 4D ultrasound at 25 weeks and this one. I was also very happy that Gramma, Papaw and Uncle Brian got to come again and that Aunt Jessica, Uncle Travis and Carson were able to come this time as well!

Mr. Keagan did not disappoint....at all! The technician was worried he might be too low or spine up or just too smooshed in there for us to be able to get any clear pictures, but that was fortunately not the case! Keagan was in the same spot as always! Hopefully that's a good sign that we'll be able to go full-term! He was a little curled up at first, but the technician just had me adjust the way I was laying which helped by itself but also woke Keagan up so that helped even more.

For the first time today, we were able to see his tongue, see him yawn, see two special body parts (you'll see below!), and see the top of his head. Previously this technician thought that he had skin covering the top of his head, but now we are no longer sure. In the image we saw, the top of his head looked wavy. I asked if she thought that was exposed brain matter - she said it could be or it could be hair. We are praying for the latter, but are preparing for the first. If you could please pray for the same we would greatly appreciate it! Regardless, Keagan is still perfect and sweet and as cute as a button!

With 197 (an all-time record at First Expressions) pictures, it was a little difficult to narrow it down to just a few to share here but these are some of the best pictures of sweet baby Keagan from his 35 week 4D ultrasound:

Perfect defined features - we have determined Daddy's lips and Mommy's nose :)

We are in love with his chubby cheeks! Aunt Becky and Daddy will have to fight back the desire to pinch them, as that is something they still love doing to eachother!

He is just so sweet and adorable. I loved that we got to see his ear in this picture, recalling when we first saw his ears on a previous ultrasound and the joy those two little body parts brought us.

One of the few full face shots we have of baby K - so thankful for this picture

About five minutes after I said "Oh there's his ear!" (in the picture above), Keagan got really active and decided he would let us see both sides of his face, so obviously both ears as well, by swaying his head back in forth. Thanks baby boy :)

Everyone determined he has my pouty face, which I think is an adorable look for him, so I'll agree with that!

This is a big ol' smile, tongue showing and all! I love the joy in his face here - brings a smile to my face everytime I look at it

Followed a few minutes later by a big yawn - 40 minutes of showing off was enough for our little guy, it was time for a nap.

Here is another full face shot of our precious son, covered a little by his arm and hand going up over his head. He is an absolutely perfect (chubby) baby boy and who is loved beyond measure!