Our Last Appointment...

Today was our last appointment before Keagan's arrival and that little guy thought it would be fun to make it the only time we weren't able to get even an estimate of his heartrate - not because it wasn't there but because he was moving so much! He apparently wanted there to be something special about our last appointment so we could have something to remember it by. He still is head down (I thought he was rolling quite a bit and was worried he may have flipped back over) and still doing well.

Because this was our last appointment, I wanted to thank our doctor. I couldn't find the words to say to him to let him know how much we appreciate him but I tried (and of course Gramma and I started to cry). He truly has been amazing through our whole journey. I obviously know it isn't easy to be in our shoes, but I imagine it is also not easy to be the doctor who had to tell of us Keagan's diagnosis in the first place, who walked with us through the ups and downs, who answered our unending questions and who shared hope with us while ensuring we realized what the outcome could be. He is truly a great man and a great doctor and I am so glad and thankful that he continued to allow us to come to him for our weekly/bi-weekly appointments.

The next step in our journey is induction. As Papaw said today, "Super K is on the way!" :) We go Monday morning to begin the process, which we were told could take a few days for three main reasons: the lack of my body progressing, the fact this is our first child, and because a portion of Keagan's skull he doesn't have as much weight in help him move down.

*If you would like to stay updated on how things are progressing and know when Keagan is born, you can like "Prayers for Sweet Baby Keagan" on Facebook (be sure to like to the page, not request to join the group - the page is what gets updated). Updates from our family will be sent to our friend, Amber, who manages the page and she will post them as she receives them or as she is available to do so.

Over the past few days as we have told people the date of our induction, many have asked if we are ready and how we are feeling. These are both difficult questions to answer because this next week is going to be so bittersweet. Yes, we are ready to hold our baby boy, to look at his sweet face, see his perfect fingers and toes, and to be able to kiss those adorable cheeks and lips of his! But no, we are not ready for what may come after his birth. How can parents be prepared for their baby to pass away? We have asked all the questions, we have packed the car, we have made all kinds of memories with sweet baby Keagan, but none of this readies us for the extremely painful and difficult experience we may have. So we feel excited....excited to see Keagan and hold him in our arms, excited to share his birth with our family, excited to have our little miracle enter this world. At the same time though, we are scared....we are nervous....we are anxious. We try to turn our worries and fears to God, but to be honest, it is hard. While we can pray, we struggle with completely handing over all of our emotions. Even so, we trust in God's will and know there is a plan and a purpose in this situation. We know that He will carry us and we believe that He will provide us with the peace that we have heard so many other parents of babies with anencephaly make reference to. We also know that no matter what the outcome is, Keagan is going to be perfect. A few weeks ago, I had a dream that I delivered him and there wasn't anything wrong with him - he was perfectly formed and perfectly healthy. While we still pray this will be the reality, I realized that even with this fatal birth defect, he is still going to perfect in every way and our already huge love for him will grow a million times when we see him for the first time outside of the womb.