Heartbeat Check #5

Keagan's heart rate today was 138! Our little guy is still doing well - praise God! I did have a little scare at the appointment though. The doctor had a difficult time finding the heartbeat. I could feel Keagan moving just two minutes prior to the doctor coming in, and started thinking as he tried to find it "Wow. Could things have changed that quickly?" I stared up at the ceiling and kept listening for that wonderful sound. The doctor moved the doppler probe over my stomach very slowly, top to bottom and side to side. It felt like it took thirty minutes, but I think it truly did take about three minutes. At one point, my doctor said "I think I keep hearing it, but your heartbeat is so loud." Finally, he found it and I was so relieved. We heard the strong beat loud and clear. The doctor said my heartbeat had been in the foreground, thus making it difficult to hear Keagan's and at some point they switched positions. I don't quite get that, but I don't really need to because I know Keagan is doing well and that is what matters to me. As he was trying to get the rate, Keagan's heartbeat faded (the actual sound, not the rate) so he used the probe to shake my belly and it came back loud and clear again.

I am so thankful that today's appointment had a good outcome, even with this scare. In those three minutes, I realized the depth of my love for my son. I definitely knew that I loved him with all of my heart and I have tried to show him my love through my thoughts, words and actions. But this scare, that I now know could have been prevented by some patience, showed a whole other facet of my love. I am struggling with how to put my emotions into words. I felt like I was on the verge of great heartache, but the root of it was great love. People always say you instantly fall in love with your baby when you see him or her for the first time, but I am already in love with sweet baby Keagan.

I heard this song on the way home tonight, and I know not all of the lyrics apply to our situation - actually only a few of them do - but the one line that stood out to me was the title and part of the chorus: "Only God Could Love You More." We love our son so much that we do believe that God is only one who could love him deeper and wider and just overall more than us.

Thank you for your continued prayers; we are always in need and always appreciative of them!