Keagan's First

Musical!

My mom and I love going to plays, musicals, concerts....anything of that sort. So when my school announced there was going to be a musical I thought this was a great time to spend with my mom, but could also double as one of Keagan's firsts! The musical was "The Little Mermaid." I was thinking this was mainly for girls, and that Keagan may not have wanted to go there if he was given the choice, but I was glad when I saw several little boys there as well.

My school's seventh and eighth grade students put on a wonderful show and really impressed us with their singing talents. We really enjoyed the performance, and I loved getting to share the night with two of my favorite people - baby Keagan and Gramma.

When I got home, Roy was watching Hope Floats. (Sorry if you don't me to share that Roy!) Just as I was preparing to write this post, the following line was said:

Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.

Wow! How true this is on our journey.
-When we first learned that baby Keagan had anencephaly, there were so many unknowns and it was so unexpected. Those first few days were very scary, and to be honest there are still times that we are scared.
-I'm not sure if I have shared this before or not, but we try not to think too much about the expected outcome for Keagan's life. It is not that we deny the reality of his condition, but as I'm sure you can imagine, it is extremely hard to process and to come to reality with. Not thinking about it too much helps us in several ways, but I also wonder if we should be better preparing ourselves for that day right now. Even if we do everything we can to prepare mentally, emotionally, and even make the necessary arrangements, I still do not think we will ever be truly prepared for that day. The "ending" of Keagan's earthly life and the days, weeks and years to follow are assuredly going to be sad, but I pray for peace, strength and also joy for our family at that time. (I will add here that we still hold on to the fact that God has the ultimate say and we believe with our whole hearts that He can heal Keagan entirely if He choses to.)
-This time right now is the "middle." That is why we live for each day and do what we can do to enjoy every moment. This is the time we have with our son, and ultimately these are the memories that I think and pray will be engraved in our hearts and minds forever, rather than those first few days or the pain of his passing. "Keagan's firsts" and each minute we have with him while he is in my belly are what count the most.
I am going to close with the next line that Sandra Bullock goes on to say in the movie:

You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning - just give hope a chance to float up.