Keagan's First...

Night as "Big Man on Campus!"

Roy graduated from Wright State University in 2007. As most colleges are, this was a place where he met several people who are now his best friends, had a lot of fun times and created some unforgettable memories. We have gone there several times as a couple since we have been together and always enjoy ourselves.

This past weekend was our four year-first date anniversary. Four years ago on January 24, Roy came up to Bowling Green, where I attended, to play in a volleyball tournament with me and our relationship grew from there to the amazing thing that it is today. Instead of going to Bowling Green this weekend, we went back to Wright State to celebrate our anniversary and this also gave Roy a chance to "walk down memory lane" with his precious first baby. (Don't worry...Keagan WILL be going to Bowling Green within the next few weeks as well!)

I asked Roy to help me write this post, because even though this was a great time for me, I know it was an incredibly important and memorable experience for him. (His comments are italicized.)

With the snow on Friday, we were worried about the drive down but the roads were fine and even if they weren't, we would have found a way to get there.We stayed in Dayton all weekend.  Friday night we went to La Rosa's. This is an Italian restaurant, which is our favorite kind of food! Going to La Rosa's was something my friends and I did several weekends over our college careers. We would always order appetizers and watch sports, which I know Keagan would have loved to do at WSU. 

To start off the day Saturday, we went to Build-A-Bear at the mall with Keagan's heartbeat recording. I have only been there one time several years ago, and Roy swore he would never go into this store. He broke the rules for Keagan, but he stuck by his guns that he would never do that for me. I think I could talk him into it though... :)  We had so much fun and we absolutely love the bear we ended up with! The bear we picked is so soft and adorable. Several times Roy has referred to baby Keagan as our "peanut" so when we saw the name of this golden brown bear include "Peanut" we knew it was perfect. We picked out our Keagan bear, put his heartbeat recording in the hand, dropped in one heart from each of us and then stuffed him. During this time, the worker was asking questions about our baby. I gave the standard answers - boy, due June 5, Keagan, feeling good. My heart was torn as to whether to share more and allow Keagan's life to hopefully touch someone else's once again, but I decided not to as we were having so much fun and I did not want to have someone innocently apologizing about our situation as we tried to celebrate the love of our lives. She was a very sweet girl and showed us so much love even without knowing Keagan's story. We proceeded to the "fluff me" station where I made Roy give our bear a bath. He, of course, was his goofy self and washed under "Keagan's" armpits and behind his ears. We tried to pick out an outfit but nothing seemed to be perfect enough. I do plan to get a hat for our bear though, as Keagan will very frequently be wearing a hat after he is born.
What a fun experience! And once again, thank you to Nick and Andrea for this wonderful and thoughtful gift!!

We walked around the mall a little, ate at the food court, and then went shopping at a few other stores. I was able to get the ink remover for when we create our keepsakes at the hospital and also some CUTE baskets to take all of our things to the hospital in.

After a nap back at the hotel, we went to Linh's. This is our favorite restaurant in Dayton. We had a scare when we pulled up and the "Open" sign was not lit and there were no cars in the parking lot. Luckily, there was a sign on the window saying they just moved locations. This delicious Chinese/Vietnamese restaurant went from a hole-in-the-wall to a 10-minute wait to even get a table strip-mall restaurant. 

After our wonderful dinner, we headed to campus for the Wright State vs. University of Illinois Chicago boys basketball game. The crowd was huge and it took a long time for us to even get tickets, but the wait and the cold were totally worth it!

One of the main things I enjoyed from Wright State was going to the basketball games and cheering on the team with my friends. This meant a lot to me when I took Jenny when we were dating, and it was something I looked forward to doing with my child as soon as we found out we were pregnant. Even though the sad reality is that Keagan will never get to go to college and graduate, it was still a dream  come true for me to be able to take my son to a Wright State game. We were able to get a free shirt and towel and these items will be forever cherished as memories of what we got to experience with Keagan. Being able to take him into the gym where I worked and played volleyball and practiced cheerleading are memories I will never be able to replace. The tradition still carries on.

Wright State lost the game on Saturday, but it was a great time and Keagan seemed to enjoy the loud band - kicking and moving around a lot! That night, I was able to catch him kicking and my stomach jumping on video for the first time. Another moment that will be forever remembered.

Before finishing this post, I wanted to open up my heart and get some thoughts out there as it really is therapeutic for me. I noticed a trend in the past two weekends - I seem to have a very rough day the day after we have one of our outings with Keagan. I have had so much fun celebrating his life and getting to share these experiences with him and I love planning more for the upcoming weeks. But it seems like when we get home, the reality of what we are doing hits me...hard. We are doing "Keagan's Firsts"...but they are likely his only's as well. Our baby will not get to experience so many of life's joy...nor life's struggles. We will not get to teach him lessons through the ups-and-downs, see him take his first steps, hear his first word, and see him go to a school or college of his own. This is so hard to understand and to handle. Several people have told us we are strong, and we appreciate the words and encouragement more than anyone can understand. In all honesty though, we are doing our best to be strong, but there are times when I feel as though we're hanging on by a thread. We will continue to hang on with all of our might (and our faith) and we will not stop sharing life with Keagan. His life and our love for him are what keeps us going each day. He is teaching us and those around us lessons that are probably more important than any lesson we could ever teach him. One thing we want to show our baby and we believe he feels is that love is the most important thing in life, that we love him with all of our hearts and "Love never fails."